


Trying Not To Love You

by justanoutlaw



Series: Falling For You [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Daddy Charming, Detectives, F/M, Guns, Lust, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Polyamory, Shootings, Storybrooke, charming family - Freeform, daddy killian, mama Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 19:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14339547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanoutlaw/pseuds/justanoutlaw
Summary: Killian thought it'd be easier to push Snow and David away, but it only makes him hurt more.





	Trying Not To Love You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loisselina (LoisSelina)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoisSelina/gifts).



> A direct sequel to You Have More Friends Than You Know. Back then, I thought this would stay platonic, but then I fell in love with this ship romantically. loboselinaistrash sent me a plot twist prompt for this verse about what would happen if Killian pushed them away when he discovered his feelings and this is the result of that.
> 
> Trigger warning for gun violence mentioned, but it doesn't go into too much detail of the shooting.

Killian walked into his house and heard…nothing. That was odd for him, considering he had a rambunctious 3 year old. Sure, his daughter was in the final stages of recovering from her tonsillectomy, but with Emma over pretty much every day, she was definitely on the mend. Snow and David had insisted to come by to help him out and he was grateful for it. They cooked, help make sure his house didn’t fall apart and especially helped make sure that Alice and Emma hadn’t gotten into too much trouble. They especially came in handy when he had been called into work for an emergency, assuring him that they could handle both girls on their own.

 

He headed into the kitchen and found David doing the dishes. He was a handsome man, there was no doubting that. Years of working on a farm had shaped his body in ways that probably some couldn’t realize. He still kept in good shape, besides running around as detective, he went to the gym three times a week.

 

Killian quickly shook the thoughts out of his head. He had known he was pansexual since he was 13 and he knew that David was bisexual, but the latter was married. The ship had sailed. Besides, there was nothing wrong with just being attracted to a married person physically right? It’s not like he wanted to be with him like that.

 

“Hey,” David’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “I made mac and cheese, there’s some leftover in the fridge. Snow made a salad too.”

“You got Emma to eat a salad?”

“Well…no. But Alice ate it.”

Killian laughed. “Good.” He looked around the kitchen. “Where are the girls?”

“Emma passed out on the couch while they were watching Robin Hood, Snow took Alice to get her ready for bed.”

“I think I’ll go see my little girl before I eat.”

 

He headed around the corner and lingered in the doorway of Alice’s bedroom. Snow sat in the oversized easy chair he had bought for the room, way back when it had just been a nursery. Alice was snuggled up on her lap as they read from one of her favorite books, Robin Hood. He knew that they had just watched the Disney movie according to David and yet Snow didn’t mind reading the exact same one to his daughter again. She was so patient and loving, she always looked at Alice with this joy in her eyes.

 

Snow was just as beautiful as David was handsome. She had once had long black locks, but after Emma was born, she claimed it was too hard to maintain and had a pixie cut ever since. It suited her face and allowed her eyes to shine brighter. She had a gentle voice and a smile that could probably stop any person in their tracks.

 

Killian had read about polyamory in college. He knew it was far different than polygamy and worked in different ways. Sometimes, it meant that the couple had an open relationship and could sleep with others if they wanted. Others, it was having a committed relationship that was equal between three people or more. They weren’t as rare as people would think, but they weren’t exactly very public.

 

The truth was, Killian knew he was in love with David and Snow. He had been for a while now, but there was no way he could just bring it up. They’d think he was some kind of freak, suggesting that he could join their marriage. Worse, they’d pity him and their friendship would never be the same.

 

Yet, it hurt too much to even be in the same room as them. To have them so close, yet so far. He was falling for them more and more by the day. Alice was growing closer to them as well, he knew she looked to Snow like the mother she never had. When she was a baby and Emma was learning how to talk, she had copied her in calling Snow mama. Killian had panicked, but Snow just patiently smiled and explained that she was just copying Emma. Eventually, Alice got used to calling her Auntie Snow.

 

No, he couldn’t allow his daughter to get hurt.

 

Nor could he allow himself.

 

Snow looked up at him and smiled. “Well, look who’s home.”

Alice’s eyes drifted up and she beamed brightly. “Papa!” She jumped off his lap and ran into his outstretched arms.

He swooped her up and cradled the back of her head with his hand, his prosthetic resting on her back. He had lost his hand when he was mugged in high school and over the years, technology had improved and now he had one that worked nearly similar to a real one, though it’d never be completely the same. “Hey there, Starfish,” he whispered. “How was your night?”

“Good. I ate all my dinner.”

Killian couldn’t help but smile at that. She hadn’t been eating much since the surgery. “That’s good to hear.” He kissed her temple.

Snow rose to her feet and walked over to them, kissing Alice’s head. “We’ll get going. Unless you need anything else?”

He cleared his throat, biting down on his lip, hard. “No, we’re um…we’re good. You’ve done enough already.”

“Alright, we’ll see you soon.”

 

She walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her. To Killian, that would be the last time he’d see her.

* * *

David didn’t think much of it when he didn’t see Killian around the station as much at first. They normally worked similar shifts, “Dad shifts” as Leroy Dreamer called them, which meant they could be home for their kids. Yet, he also knew that their boss wasn’t always as understanding and sometimes they worked the less desirable ones.

 

Then Killian stopped responding to their texts or phone calls. When they ran into him at the diner, he left quickly. If Emma asked her parents to let Alice come over, he’d have some excuse or another when David cornered him at the station. Alice was a fairly healthy child, how many doctor appointments could she possibly have?

 

“Do you think we did something to offend him?” Snow asked her husband one afternoon when Killian had declined their evite to Emma’s 4th birthday party. It wasn’t like him, at all.

“I don’t think so? I mean, we cleaned his house that night after we took care of the girls. We left him dinner. It’s not like we did anything to piss him off.”

“It’s been a month, I’m just getting worried. This isn’t like him. Is he still working weird shifts?”

“No, Weaver told him he had to cut that out. Now, he just works different positions than me. Like, if I’m doing paperwork, he goes on patrol. Or vice versa. We used to patrol together. If we do have to work together for whatever reason, he won’t talk to me.”

“This is just weird. If we hurt him, I wish he’d just come out and say something about it.”

 

Their concern turned to anger when Killian finally returned one of their texts.

 

**_It’s nothing you guys did. I just don’t think that it’s best that we’re friends anymore._ **

David and Killian had been best friends for nearly 8 years, he and Snow for 4. He was cutting off their friendship for no reason, for nothing. They decided to give up. If he wanted nothing to do with them, fine. They’d take a hint.

 

“Mommy?” Emma asked one afternoon when they were at the party store. “Is Alice coming to my party?”

Snow paused, biting down on her lip. She knew that the girls still saw each other at pre-school and would play. As angry and hurt that she was over Killian’s text, she didn’t want to hurt her daughter. “I don’t think so, sweetheart.”

“But Alice said she wanted to come.”

So, clearly Alice didn’t know what was going on either. “I know, baby, but her daddy said they’re busy that day.” She paused again before crouching down in front of her. “You know, you can still play with Alice at school, but I don’t know if you’ll have playdates anymore.”

“Why not? She’s my best friend!”

The defeat in her daughter’s voice broke her heart even more. “She is. It’s just…I don’t think her daddy wants her coming over anymore. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Uncle Killian is acting silly,” Emma said with a huff, crossing her arms over chest.

Snow let out a deep breath and kissed her daughter’s head before standing up. “He is. Hey, how about you help me pick out the favors for the party?”

* * *

Killian sat at his desk, knowing that if Weaver walked by, he’d be in trouble. He was using his computer to look at zoo fare and hours for the day of Alice’s birthday. Typically, he’d have a party for her, but that just didn’t seem right this year. She wanted to invite Emma so badly, but that would mean talking to Snow and David, not that they would even want to talk to him. After his text, David had given up trying and was giving him the cold shoulder. Killian didn’t blame him one bit, he was acting like a jerk. He just had to protect Alice’s heart and his own.

 

So, he had promised Alice that instead of a party, they’d do something even more fun. She had asked if Emma could come, of course, and it broke his heart to tell her no. He hoped in time that just seeing her friend at school would be enough. It had to be. He figured to make it up to her, he’d take her to the Franklin Park Zoo and New England Aquarium in Boston. They typically visited Massachusetts at least once a year since it was just a 4 hour drive away and those were two of Alice’s favorite places. It’d make a perfect birthday celebration.

 

His mind flashed back to Alice and Emma’s first birthdays. They had a combined party for them with all their friends to celebrate making it through that crazy year. Snow’s arm was thrown around Killian, telling him if they could survive this, they could survive everything. They were best friends, they’d raise their girls together.

 

So much for that.

 

Suddenly, the station’s frequency radio buzzed and he could hear an officer’s voice coming through it. “Detective down, need backup on Mifflin.”

 

Killian jumped up with another officer and they rushed to the scene. By the time they got there, the shooter had been taken care of and was in the back of a squad car. Killian walked closer to the sidewalk where he noticed Mayor Mills was in tears. He had never seen her so upset before. She was explaining that there was a sudden break in by her former running mate and that there was a detective that had been the first to respond to the call.

 

“Greg would’ve shot me for sure,” Regina sobbed. “If Detective Nolan hadn’t pushed me out of the way, I’d be dead by now.”

 

Killian’s blood ran cold and he saw his friend laying on a stretcher, being carried to the ambulance. The man he loved, the man who had been his best friend since their freshmen year of college. The man he had pushed away, to protect his own heart…was now bleeding on a stretcher.

  
“Someone has to tell his wife,” Weaver was saying to some of the other officers at the scene.

“I’ll do it,” Killian spoke up. “It…it should be me.”

* * *

Snow would always remember what she was talking about the moment her husband was shot. She had been so excited that day to hang up pictures of Emperor Penguins that Emma had helped her pick out. They were supposed to be going to an aquarium the following week and it reminded her of Alice, who loved going to those so she could see all the different sea creatures, especially the starfish. She had come to love that little girl and to know that she’d probably never get to hold her again, broke her heart.

 

Her door opened and Jasmine, her aide, stepped in…followed by Killian dressed in full uniform.

 

“Mary Margaret,” Jasmine said, using the name that only the school ever did (her mother had nicknamed her Snow as a child and it just stuck). “I’m going to take over for a while. You need to go with Detective Rogers.”

 

Snow folded her arms over chest and followed him into the hallway.

 

“What’s going on? You haven’t spoken to us in two months outside that cryptic text and now you ruin my lesson plan?”

“Snow,” Killian’s voice broke and pain filled his face.

Slowly, she lowered her façade. “What’s going on? Is Alice okay?”

“She’s fine. It’s David.”

 

Snow blinked. There was a part of her that had always been preparing for this day. When she had begun dating David, he was a rookie on the force. She had known who he was when she took his name, a police officer. There was a chance of this happening and yet, she never thought it could happen. Not to him. Not when they were happily married, with a nearly 4-year-old.

 

“No,” she whispered.

“Snow…”

“NO!” Her voice grew sharper. “You are not doing this Killian…you are not telling me…”

“I don’t know if he’s okay. He reported to Mayor Mills’ house to deal with a break in report…Greg Mendel shot him. He’s being taken to the hospital.”

 

Snow’s knees grew weak and she nearly collapsed to the ground. Killian wrapped his arms around her and kept her upright, tears in his own eyes.

 

“Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital.”

 

Snow was silent the way down to Killian’s car, but clung to him for dear life. For once, the roles were reversed. He had depended on her so many times after Eloise left and for once, he could repay the favor. She didn’t have time to appreciate the irony, all she could think about was her husband.

 

The ride to Storybrooke General was just as silent, but she snapped into action as soon as they rushed into the E.R. She ran right up to the desk where Nurse Ratchet sat.

 

“My husband, Detective David Nolan was brought in,” she said.

“Have a seat, the doctor will be right with you.”

“I…I can’t take a seat! I need to see my husband! I need to know he’s okay?” Tears streamed down her face. “Did you…did you see him? Is he okay?”

“I’m afraid I can’t give that information, Mrs. Nolan. You’ll have to wait for the doctor, he’s in surgery with your husband right now.”

“Can’t give me that information? I’m his wife!”

“Snow,” Killian rubbed her back. “Come on, it’s not the nurse’s fault. Let’s just go over there.” He turned to the nurse. “Have the doctor come get us as soon as you know anything.”

“Of course,” the nurse said, eyeing Snow who looked on the verge of a breakdown.

 

Killian lead Snow to the corner and she began pacing.

 

“He’s going to be okay, Snow,” he whispered.

“How can you say that?!?” Snow exploded, ignoring the looks that the people in the waiting room gave her. “He was shot! This wasn’t supposed to happen! He…he promised me it wouldn’t!”

“I know he did.”

“I can’t lose him, Killian.” Her voice broke again. “He’s…he’s everything. To me, to Emma. Oh my God, Emma!” Her eyes shut and she leaned against the wall. “How am I supposed to tell her that her daddy got shot?”

“You won’t.” Killian put his hands on her shoulder. “Because he’s going to make it out of this. We’ll tell Emma and Alice that he just needed to see a doctor, but that he’ll be fine. It won’t be a lie, because he will be. Do you hear me, Snow? You’re not about to become a widow today.”

 

He wrapped her back into his arms and as much as she wanted to pull away, she didn’t. She knew that he easily could’ve sent Weaver or Humbert, but he didn’t. He came himself, because he knew she would need him. She wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his chest for as long as she needed to. Once she calmed down, he got her some water from the nurse’s station and they slid down into chairs. Eventually, the nurse told them where David was having surgery so they could go and wait in the proper waiting area. Killian kept his arm around Snow at all times.

 

Three hours after they arrived, Dr. Whale finally came out of the back and lead them into his office. Snow clung to Killian just as tightly, tears in her eyes.

 

“The surgery went fine,” Whale said “We got the bullet out of his stomach and we were able to partially remove the other, but he’ll be fine with it inside of his shoulder. He is a very lucky man, if it had gone even just a few inches lower…well, we won’t worry about that.”

“But he’s okay?” Snow asked.

“He’s going to be. He lost a lot of blood and we had to do a transfusion, but he’s out of the woods. He’s stable right now and alert.”

Snow and Killian let out simultaneous breaths of relief. “Will he be able to return to the force?” Killian asked, knowing that’d likely be all David cared about.

“In time. His shoulder is going to require some physical therapy.”

“Good. I know that’ll make him happy.”

“Would you like to see him?”

 

Snow nodded and looked to Killian to let him know that he should come with her. Whale lead them down the hall to David’s recovery room. He was hooked up to a few machines and was pale, his shoulder in a sling. Snow bit down on her lip, but moved forward, sitting next to him. She took his hand and felt him squeeze it.

 

“You’re okay,” she whispered.

“I’d never leave you,” he hoarsely whispered in return. His eyes flickered open and he saw she had been crying. He attempted to reach up to touch her face, but let out a hiss of pain. They had given him morphine as soon as he asked for it, but it still hurt.

“No, don’t do that.” She took his hand and kissed it. “I’m fine.”

“I must’ve scared the shit out of you.”

“Yeah, you did, but now I know where Emma gets it from.”

He partially smiled and then looked over when he saw Killian lingering in the doorway. “Kian?” The old nickname for his best friend slipped from his lips.

“I responded to the call when it came through that a detective was down.” He looked at his watch. “Look, I should go get the girls from school. I’ll take care of Emma for the night. I’m sure Weaver is going to want to talk to you about what happened, but I’ll keep him off your case until you’re feeling a little better. Mendel’s locked up, so you have nothing to worry about.”

 

There were so many things David wanted to say. He wanted to scream at him for shutting them out. He wanted to ask why. Why Killian was doing so much for him after he had chosen to shut them out? But the truth was, the morphine was exhausting him and he just wanted to sleep.

 

So, instead, he just whispered, “Thank you.”

* * *

That night, Killian distracted the girls. He told Emma that her parents were just handling some adult matters and fixed them some grilled cheese, letting them eat it in front of the T.V. They watched both Lilo and Stich movies, put on a hula show in the living room and for a minute, it was like old times. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed Emma, how much he loved her just as much as he did Alice. Shutting them all out hadn’t healed his heart, it had only hurt it.

 

Later on, when he tucked both girls into Alice’s bed, he knew what he had to do. He had to tell Snow and David the truth. Even if it was too late, even if they didn’t feel the same, they deserved that much.

 

So, after dropping the girls off the next day and promising Emma that she’d see her mommy that afternoon, he headed to the hospital. David had been moved to a new room to help his recovery and according to Snow, he’d be released within a week. He’d have to rest a lot and he was already starting physical therapy, but was doing well. Weaver had come by to get David’s testimony, but everything after he arrived at the mayors’ house had been a blur. Luckily, Regina had calmed down enough and could give one that would help put Mendel away for a long time.

 

“What is going on?” David asked Killian after their half hour of small talk. “Why did you push us away?”

Killian sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I was trying to protect myself.”

“Protect yourself? From what?”

“I…I’ve had feelings for both of you for some time now. At first I thought it was just because we raised our girls together, but in time I realized I had fallen for you.” He sighed once again. “But you’re already together and I was afraid that telling you would ruin our friendship. In the end, I screwed it up anyway.”

 

Snow and David looked at each other, but Killian couldn’t read their faces. He waited for them to laugh or to throw him out of the hospital room. To ban him from ever seeing their daughter again. To his surprise, Snow just smiled.

 

“And you don’t think we’ve felt the same?”

Killian did a double take. “You can’t be serious.”

“Killian, we’ve had feelings for you, for years. David learned about polyamory in the same class you did. We just thought if we brought it up…you’d think we were weird and that it was all about sex. So, we settled for being friends.”

“Not having you in our lives these past couple of months proved what we thought,” David said. “Being apart from you hurts.”

Killian felt like he was going to pass out. “I can’t…I can’t believe this is happening.”

“We love you, Kian. Always have, always will. And if you’re willing to give this a shot…so are we.”

“I pushed you two away.”

“And that hurt,” Snow said. “But…we get it and we love you. We don’t want to lose you again.”

 

Things didn’t start off right away. David was still in the hospital for another week and Killian was helping Snow with Emma. When David was discharged, Snow and Killian took turns accompanying him to physical therapy. But when he was cleared to at least go on a date, they all went out to dinner. And when he was cleared for sex…his first time back at it was his first time with both Snow and Killian.

 

They told the girls six months in, expecting them to be confused, but they were just thrilled. And one year to the day that David had been shot, they all stood on the beach in front of their closest friends and family. They couldn’t legally be married, but in that moment, they agreed to love and care for one another as if they were. That was the day the marriage of two, became three. They’d go onto adopt each other’s girls. Nothing could stop them now.


End file.
